feeling

forever feeling
uncertain moments
forever feeling

longing

longing brought intensity

movement

movement reveals . . .

Why I am a fan

When I was just five or six years old I remember really loving both of my grandmother’s and they both really enjoyed following baseball. My Grandma Gottschalk (my mom’s mom) listened all of the time and especially on the radio if the game was not on t.v., which seemed like she did whenever I visited or spent the night in the summer. She would have her radio on in the kitchen where should could do other things while paying attention to the game. While we were playing cards or some game at the kitchen table, she would clap, yell or holler at the radio if something went well or even if it didn’t. Either way, you knew where she stood on her baseball team . . . if she was happy with them you knew it and if not . . . well you knew that a “son of a bitch” was coming sooner or later. It was quite entertaining especially when she happened to have a cigarette in her hand that had ashes on it that were like an inch long. Usually this was an indication of how caught up in something she was doing.

For my sixth birthday my Grandma Gottschalk had gotten me a battery-operated radio. Not just any radio either—it looked like a cheeseburger or better yet a Quarter Pounder from McDonalds. Not only was it cool that it was my own radio, which I could choose from any AM station to listen to (it was the late 70’s after all), but I could take it wherever I wanted. I was thrilled—even more than when I had gotten my first bikini bathing suit the year before. Regardless, I distinctly remember one summer evening taking my radio out onto our back porch and tuning into the Detroit Tigers game. I had grabbed a lawn chair and settled the radio right onto my lap. I could hear Ernie Harwell giving the calls of the game while I was outside soaking in some summer breezes and late afternoon sun. Meanwhile the game was being televised where my dad happened to be watching it inside the house in the living room. I could actually hear the game a bit on t.v. through the screen door where likely it was Al Kaline and George Kell announcing, but I got to hear it on the radio . . . on my radio. I guess it was the first indication that I liked to do things my own way, but also that I LOVED the sound of baseball on the radio. I also loved that my grandma loved the game too.

From there I just continued to follow sports never really playing except for pick-up games, but always following them . . . watching and cheering on my sister’s little league games, watching the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings . . . and eventually any major team playing. When I was in high school I did end up playing basketball and ran track, which put things in a new perspective and created new memories, but ultimately I was a fan. And with all of these experiences I can recall moments where not only did I enjoy the moment, but also the experience that I had with an individual or a relationship that grew from the experience. My grandma is my first such memory although there are countless other moments and memories and not only my own, but the memories of many others who not only shared in heartbreaking, or uplifting experiences but moments where relationships developed because of these experiences.

Sports Memories and the Connections We Make

Sports fans have witnessed plays that include the impossible, miraculous and the amazing. Those miracle moments keep the fan coming back for more, keep the fan involved in sport and keep sport alive. As a sports follower there are those defining moments—those memories that we cherish, abhor, love and never forget. And while fans vary from fickle to fair-weather to die-hard—they urge sport along—in essence they are the reason. Without the fan—athletes, managers, owners and stadiums would not exist.

The cheers in the stands, the anxious waiting on the sidelines, or even huddling around a television, give us that sense of togetherness—that sense of sharing in a great moment. Through time we reflect on those important moments—and those times that we have shared with others. And while those great sports moments are important it’s also those shared moments that mean just as much if not more than those great memories. It’s those individuals that stand along side you and understand your passion for the sport. Whether it was your dad, your grandmother or your best friend, it’s those people that keep you connected and brought you to the game itself.

imagining

patiently considering
anxiously wondering
courageously imagining

Cinderella: a new view

Walt Disney and the fairy tales he helped put into production are lauded stories about good things happening to good people. Some of the more popular stories that are sure to be found in the homes of families with children under the age of eight are the stories about young women who have fallen on hard times and who dream that one day their prince charming will come into their lives and save them from their particular situation. Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty all carry these same themes.

I recently re-watched "Cinderella" after at least fifteen years of not having seen it while caring for the five year old daughter of a friend of mine. I happily watched the story unfold along with a friend. Towards the end the five year old got bored with the story and was on to wanting to do a new activity. My friend and I however did not want to stop watching it and wanted to see the story through to the end. Maybe it had something to do with our girlhood fantasies of a happy ending entailing some gorgeous man whisking us away to a better place. Or maybe it was something more.

Some have criticized these fairy tales in recent years as being unrealistic, not real life, and just well a fairy tale. There is a lot of emphasis on the man saving the day from the evil forces in their lives—often an evil older woman so it seems. There is an alternate message that can be drawn from these stories however.

The first is the importance of maintaining a positive attitude. Very often when tragedy strikes it is very easy to give up, become negative and think that your life is over—or simply become bitter by the struggles of life and allow others to define us. Really many of the Walt Disney stories do encourage this attitude—certainly something that we could remind our youth (and maybe ourselves of this at times) when we again sit down to watch these tales.

The second important message and probably just as important is action. Cinderella in particular does something to change her situation. Not only did Cinderella maintain a positive attitude through her life and find good things to surround herself (even if they were singing animals), but she also took action. At the end of the story Cinderella comes running down the stairs with the second glass slipper and presents it herself. She could have easily remained up in the far reaches of her home and just clung to a memory of one great night. Instead she found her moment, didn’t give up and took the opportunity to change her circumstances. While we all don’t have a glass slipper in our pocket, neither a prince that is going to come find us—we have a role in defining who we are. Allowing others to define who we are or what we do gets us no where fast. Taking action towards things that we enjoy doing and want to do, certainly can get us somewhere and by our own definition.

Friendship

Epitomy of life
Chosen companionship
Simply because . . .

-written 5/12/95

Whisper

Unsure but always certain
That a whisper shall pass before me . . .

-written 2/22/95

Companion Ramblings

Longing for something different. Past occurrences often highlight discussion to share and exchange. Friendships emerge in a subtle way with no intentions. Commonalities and differences draw individuals closer together . . . so they may share . . . in order to make sense out of an insane planet.

Companionships vary. Special bonds form between individuals. The meaningful encounters are those that are balanced. A reflection of insecurities and comfort lay hidden. Passion emerges as a powerful force to gradually form something so unexplainable . . .

-written 1/22/95 with some editing 11/8/09

Truth

Truth is necessary
Without truth, trust does not exist
Without trust there is no harmony.

-Written 11/20/94

the feel

the feel of another human
melds the spirit to one moment
captured through joined movement
and reciprocating actions

-written May 1997

Developments

Strange developments
Feeling stranger still
And yet so familiar . . .
and unburied.

Maintaining a love
While denying it
Not needing saving
Just expressing.

-written 7/21/09

Looking back

Looking backward with longing does little for the proper improvement of our decaying society. It's those that surge ahead and use history as a means for improvement who will succeed.

-Written 4/13/1997

Questions about friendship

Can two people truly fulfill each other? A better question may be--are people truly needy and do they seek out others for selfish reasons?

Or do individuals who attain the highest level of friendship respect the relationship because it exists and for nothing more.

-written 11/24/1996

Things can be so unimaginable

Love is mistaken by no one
And least of all by me
Feelings can remain hidden
But resurface at any moment
Simply because life has called for it

Longing has returned
Is it hope and desire which
Encourages the life within
Or the true friendship
Waiting to be rediscovered

-written 1/15/97